Self Surrender

Are you ready to surrender? One way of assessing whether or not you have what it takes to build a great marriage is the ability to surrender yourself. To voluntarily give yourself over to what is needed to build something greater than what you could do alone. Surrender…. What do you think of when you hear the word surrender? The answer to that should tell you a lot about your ideas, priorities, and what is most important to you.

…until next time.

February is Marriage Month!

Standing ovation to the governor of Alabama who has declared February as Marriage Month. And why not? We celebrate Valentine’s Day on the 14th why not include a celebration of the life-giving love of marriage. Study after study have shown the many benefits of a healthy marriage for couples, children, and the community.

I intend to celebrate my marriage in a special way during the month to participate in the grass roots marriage renaissance that is quietly sweeping across the nation. I can think of a host of other ways to celebrate marriage outside the doors of my home–like send my married neighbors a card congratulating them on their unions and reminding them of the gift their marriage is to our community…talk with my preteen daughter about the important task of adequate preparation for marriage, and of course pray for the marriages in my neighborhood and the community of my town. What can you do?  

 

The Agony of Getting Along

I like to tell my daughter that she is a beautiful and unrepeatable person. And, I like to remind her that she is responsible for the presentation of herself to the world–no one else can do that. And so it is with all of us. We are all unique human beings with our own distinctive idiosyncrasy, and this is precisely where the potential for agony in getting along can rear its ugly head.

Genuinely trying to attend to and understand the thoughts, intentions, feelings, and actions of someone important to you, while also trying to convey your own can be difficult. Add to the mix life events like job stress or joblessness, illness or loss, marital or family tensions, or natural disaster…and your communication can disintegrate into a frustrating and humiliating encounter.

It’s agonizing to be disconnected from the people we care about. And when we don’t know how to reconnect the sense of loss of something treasured (the ability to relate and get along) can be piercing to the core of our being. 

Agony, like any other emotion, makes us pay attention. If we take the time to tune in to what’s going on inside us, and between us and others, we will discover what we need to do or say to restore our vital connection with those we deeply care about.

Your thoughts?   

Being at your best improves your employer’s bottom line

I’m back! I’m still pulling things together for the blog and am also getting ready for the Marriage Material Seminars coming up in March. Believe it or not I am a morning person and planned to do my blogging during that time, but being new to blogging it’s taking a little more time than expected. Having said that–excuse any changes you might notice on pages over the next few days –I’m orienting myself as I roll on here!

 Speaking of morning, there are two things that I consider crucial to a great start–prayer and pilates! One provides spiritual exercise for my soul and the other physical exercise for my body. I find that time spent with the Almighty makes a mighty difference in my day. It gives me the important awareness that all is well. This sense of wellness of the soul transcends the senses and that is significant because life can be quite tumultuous with its expected and unexpected changes.

This sense of wellness helps us hope and dream and strive. Did you know that relational wellness makes us better employees? It’s true! A wonderful report by Drs. David Olsen and Matthew Turvey (Marriage CoMission Research Report, 2006) found that

“…employees in successful relationships increase profits for their employers. These workers are more stable, more committed to their employer, and are often considered more dependable and motivated. Employees in healthy relationships are also physically healthier, experiencing fewer chronic health problems like stress, anxiety, and depression, saving companies money in overall health care expenditures.”

The quality of our marriage and family relationships has a huge impact on our employers bottom line! If all is well at home it will be reflected in our worklife too. Of course, the opposite is also true when all is not well with us in our private life.

If all is not well, make a commitment to make some healthy changes. You are worth it…and so is your family and/or marriage and other significant relationships. And, I need to add–don’t discount the graces of the Almighty–you’ll be astonished at the love and mercy waiting to engulf you–literally! I leave you with a word of encouragement…something to ponder….

If only souls would trust, they would overcome the obstacles of the human condition and take steps to grow spiritually.
-Diary of Maria Faustina, p.1784-

Welcome!

  Are you marriage material? I was engaged twice back in college. First to a seminarian, and again to a seminarian. Each time I asked myself that question I couldn’t say yes. And so, the right thing to do was to end the relationship. I knew I wasn’t “marriage-able” for many reasons. Still, I wanted to commit myself exclusively and, yes, permanently to one man with whom I could build and sustain a healthy relationship over the course of a lifetime. Despite my desire I wasn’t capable of building–let alone sustaining– a healthy, strong relationship. I had too many unresolved issues within myself. I couldn’t allow myself to bring all that unfinished business into my marriage. I wanted to give my future spouse and children the very best me that I could.

To make a long story short, I committed myself to becoming the kind of person I wanted to marry and the kind of person I wanted my children to come from. And, by the plentiful graces of the Almighty, I became marriage material and have been successfully married now for 15 years! Success in marriage involves much sacrifice, forgiveness, humility, and caring, all of which constitutes nothing less than love. To convey love when the going gets tough requires skill. Successful marriage is built and sustained by both caring and skill. I launched this blog for three reasons: (1) to say that marriage is still an important institution and social relationship that fosters the common good; (2) and, anyone who cares enough to take the time necessary to adequately prepare for marriage will also reap the benefits of building and sustaining a healthy, strong marriage; (3) to help anyone wanting to marry develop the confidence to do so, and those already married thrive in marriage!

What qualifies me to offer the above? I’m married to a man with a great mind and heart. We are raising 4 children together (two are with our Lord), and as a marriage and family therapist and healthy relationship educator with over 16 years in the behavioral health field–I’ve enjoyed helping individuals, couples, youth and families rebuild their relationships! See the About Me section for more. I welcome your thoughts, aspirations, or stories of becoming marrigeable.

In the words of Madeline Bridges, There are loyal hearts, there are spirits brave, there are souls that are pure and true;  Then give the world the best you have, and the best will come back to you. Here’s to being and giving your best!