Permanence is Essential to Marriage

Belief in the permanence of marriage is critical to its viability over the years–vital sign number 10. Marriage is a very special human relationship that requires permanence. There is no other relationship like it. It involves the couple, their families, the community, and society. It’s a big deal!

In today’s cultural climate the necessity of permanence in marriage has been minimized and as a society we are paying for this foolish thinking. Our kids are less secure, angry, and fearful. Single men and women lack the confidence that they have what it takes to build and sustain a strong marriage. The suffering of men, women, and children is profound and widespread. Toxic workplace environments are a growing concern due to poor interpersonal interaction, and decreased productivity related to absentism and presentism…and on and on.

When couples believe in the permanence of their marriage they work to that end reinforcing it. When problems arise they focus on working together to resolve them. They value their relationship and working together to make it better with each passing year. This is good for them, their children, family, and their community.

 Motto for the bride and groom:
We are a work in progress with a lifetime contract.
Phyllis Koss

Yours, Mine, and Ours…

Mutual commitment to children is the 8th vital sign of a healthy marriage. I can’t say enough about this. Respect and care for children is so critical to the wellbeing of a family. My husband and I have always made career decisions based on the potential impact upon our family–namely our children. We said no early on to extensive travel that would take us away from our young children who needed to have us home in the evening. We said no to activities that would make it financially difficult for us to provide for the educational needs of our children…and to things that would make family time difficult. We weighed every decision in the light of its impact on our family. Family is always second to God–then work, etc.

 This meant delayed gratification career-wise and other kinds of sacrifices. When we consider the character development in our kids and the values they are beginning to express, and the closeness we enjoy as a family–we are so grateful for the foresight and wisdom of keeping the needs of our children ahead of monetary gain.

My children know that people are superior to things and that who we are is far more important than what we have. We try to evaluated everything in the light of this principle. I hope they will look back and say that there was never a time when we did not treat them with the dignity they deserve as persons of inestimable value in our eyes.

Parenting is tough. Commitment to the wellbeing of children makes it worthwhile.

Intimacy, The Language of the Body

Intimacy is vital sign number eight. Consider this profound quote from Christopher West:

The way we understand and express our sexuality points to our deepest-held convictions about who we are…who God is, the meaning of love…the ordering of society, and the ordering of the universe.

Wow! That’s a lot to digest. In healthy marriages, the sexual expression conveys what the couple is living out each day in their life together–the ongoing giving of themselves to one another for the good of the other.

As the familiar saying goes, “From the sublime to the ridiculous is but a step.” Something as sublime and beautiful as the union of spouses in “one flesh,” for example, tweaked even slightly, becomes ridiculous – worthy of ridicule. Our culture’s approach to the body and sex is certainly “ridiculous.” … rather than merely ridiculing our culture’s obsession with sex, we should try to understand it and help everyone we know to take that step back from the ridiculous to the sublime.

From Body Language:Commentary on the Intersection of Faith, Sex, & Culture By Christopher West

This is a perspective worth learning more about. Check out Christopher West’s website to learn more about the self-giving love language of the body at  ChristopherWest.com .

Got a minute? Scoot on over to 5 Minutes for Mom to read a short interview they generously granted me. Hey, while you’re there check out what other mompreneurs are up to. It’s a wonderful site. In fact, they just ran a really great blog party making it possible for many of us to meet and mingle over work and family related things! Thanks Susan and Janice! Your ingenuity and foresight is greatly appreciated!

A Friend for Life

Is your spouse still the friend he/she was when you married? I hope so, because friendship is vital sign number seven. What marriage can thrive without friendship? Who doesn’t need a friend? How do couples work through discord respectfully without the heart of friendship to guide them?

 Friendship in marriage is like a fragrance that fills the relationship–an aroma that makes being together enjoyable. It’s like the oil that keeps the important parts operating smoothly…it’s what makes sharing the responsibilities of life less burdensome….

Are you cultivating friendship with your spouse? It’s never too late to start. I hope you will choose to start today. Remember, it only takes one person to change an interaction! Your caring actions will unleash a domino effect on your marriage. I’ve seen it happen over and over again. I can tell you better than that–I’ve watched it happen in my own marriage! Be a friend for life to the one you married. Only a true friend could say the following quote:

My heart is ever at your service.  –William Shakespeare

Faithfulness Still Counts!

Fidelity is vital sign number 6…Speaking of faithfulness–I’ve been busy with a recent marriage material seminar and preparing for another soon to follow. Blogging requires some degree of faithfulness to write with regularity! I will be faithful–at this point–faithful may not be daily, but it will be regular. I will post regularly.

Okay, back to vital sign number six in this overview of a healthy marriage. You know, whether we admit it or not, most people desire an exclusive marital union. We want to know that we have the exclusive right to our partner’s most private and powerful gift of him/herself–which is his/her sexuality. Sexual fidelity literally seals a marital union like nothing else known to man.  Did you know that oxytocin is believed to be a major factor in bonding as it is involved in the development of trust between people. Oxytocin is released when a man and woman come together intimately, and also when a woman prepares to give birth and again during nursing. The wonderful result? Marital bonding, and mother-child bonding!