We Need Good and Accurate Information About Marriage

What happens when bad information (inaccurate, out of context, etc.) about marriage trends falls into the hands of those with the ability to speak to the masses? Diane Sollee, director of the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education had plenty to say about a highly publicized recent blunder on the Oprah Show and she’s right on target! She writes:

I’m baffled. We all realize Oprah’s incredible power and influence and if you watch the show you know that she cares deeply about girls and women and, really, about all living things. We know that the last thing she’d want to do is present information that would do damage – in the short or long run. We also know she has a huge staff – and they must have every resource and access to vast information. That’s why Friday’s (4/6/07) show leaves me totally baffled.

They used a new format. Oprah sat on stage alone and discussed “news” items with the audience. The item that generated the most discussion was the stat taken from the Jan 07 NY Time’s article and flashed on screen as a talking point: “51% of Women Single”. Oprah explained that in America single women now outnumber married women for the first time ever.

No correction or explanation about how these numbers were calculated or that this info has since been corrected, even by the NY Times – that the author came up with the 51% which was defined as women “living alone” and included women whose husbands were working out of state or out of the country; deployed to Iraq, Afghanistan, Korea or elsewhere; or in prison. It also didn’t explain that the 51% included 10 million little girls “15, 16, 17….” and women who had outlived their husbands and are now “living alone” but after long marriages. It was presented on Oprah as though 51% of women aren’t marrying. An audience member expressed concern saying that she thought marriage was important for the community and for children and concerned that due to celebrity marriages and devaluing marriage, this trend might grow…  For rest of article see Marriage: Get the Facts! under Pages section.

Passion, Death, and Resurrection in Marriage

    

This week is Holy Week where many observe the passion, death, and resurrection of Christ. It occurred to me as I reflected on these momentus events–how marriage has similarities. What I mean is couples may start their marriage with a lot of passion–strong feelings about each other, great “chemistry” with each other and then as the years come and go there is a waning of the passion. A death can be said to have occurred. And, then years later a resurrection occurs.

Here is another way to look at it. I believe that the marriage we start out with is not the one we end up with–for better or for worse. There is definitely a transfiguration or transformation that takes place in marriage. And, being married is partly the reason for this. Marriage calls for a deeper and more profound way of loving–loving with the expectation of nothing in return…loving for the sake of the one who is loved…that they may become more than what they are….This is true passion–giving in the best interest of the beloved (your spouse)–and it has little at all to do with feelings!

To love like this is a certain death of any lesser manner of loving. Within it are the seedlings of renewal in marriage…or a resurrection of love in a marriage. No marriage ever suffered because of a self-giving love that desires and seeks the greatest good of the beloved. Too many, sadly, have died untimely deaths for the lack thereof.

New love is the brightest, and long love is the greatest, but revived
love is the tenderest thing known on earth.  –Thomas Hardy