Childish Choices

I received a letter from Healing the Culture (a monthly update to supporters) which included a personal statement from their communication director. In it she spoke about how her son and his new wife, both college students, discovered they had conceived and were going to become parents. Well, being college students I don’t need to tell you how unexpected and unplanned this event was for them.

She went on to discuss how they were pressured almost daily by well-intentioned friends to abort their child in order to continue their college career uninterrupted. She spoke about their brave and responsible decision to welcome their child safely into this world and into their lives–despite the fact that they are young, not yet employed, and may have to extend their studies out a couple of years more (at least the wife may have to should she decide to continue working toward her degree).

In this day and age that kind of decision-making is courageous. It’s ashame such a decision has to be “courageous” rather than the “right response to love”. Love involves responsibility and generosity, the flip side of freedom and rights. For every right there is an obligation. Freedom is never a license to live without restraint and responsibility. This is something I’ve been teaching my kids since they were very young–as young as six-years-old!

Today, too many couples lack a good understanding of the rights, freedoms, and obligations of love and marriage and their relationships lack the depth and richness because of it.  There is no room for childish choices in love and marriage.

To learn more about these important ideas and how they can transform your love, relationships, and life visit Healing the Culture now.

Love is really about growing up!

I remember being a pre-teenage girl and swooning over the latest heart throb of the time with my two best friends. How we marveled at their talent and hoped in vain for a chance to go see them in concert. I remember how we would try to imagine what their life off-stage was like…were they fun, interesting, lonely, or surrounded by great friends? God forbid one of them should marry–and life being what it is, they did. Then we’d imagine their happiness in marriage being unsurpassed…we’d envy the lucky lady…but then this was short-lived as the next singing sensation hit the airways helping us to quickly forget all about our “loss”.

All of us are fully grown now and have learned that there is much more to love and marriage than fleeting feelings and well wishing. Some learned through much heartache and painful failure. Others have decided the cost of love is just too steep and they don’t want to pay the price. They don’t want to lay bare their heart and soul–making themsleves completely vulnerable to another person. They don’t want to have to work together to pull through difficulty, or sacrifice time, money, or whatever else may be necessary for the other person to benefit.

Love is really about growing up. Sacrificing for the good of someone else is grown up stuff. Making others a real priority in your life is grown up stuff. To possess moral rectitude and strength is grown up stuff. To look at yourself with integrity and do the things you know must be done for your personal growth is grown up stuff. Loving yourself enough to discipline your appetites so that when they are exercised they are done so in a way that really benefits you and makes you a better person is grown up stuff.

To accept that true freedom is the ability to do what you know is right and good rather than the ability to do whatever you want, as you want, for as often as you want is grown up stuff. And, finally, to accept that life’s unexpected turns may mean suffering for you and those you love and yet, believe in the life-giving side of suffering that can be yours as well–this is grown up stuff.

As I think and talk about this issue of growing up I think about my mother. She always gave so generously of her time, her attention, her money, and her self. Her giving began at home and always reached beyond our doors into the broader community. She gave of herself and resources happily. She was always so willing to do it. Her life reflected such inner peace, joy, and yes love. If she could do it I can do it and if I can do it you can do it. Anyone willing to can do it.

Ready to grow up? Books can help–as Matthew Kelly says, books change our lives. I believe that. I’ve experienced that.  Jeff Cavins explains this life-giving or redeeming power of suffering and how to recognize it in your life in a wonderful little book called, Amazing Grace for Those Who Suffer. That book was so successful that it spawn a terrific series of other titles, such as Amazing Grace for Married Couples…for fathers, etc.

Here’s to becoming the best you can be….