Advent is Here!

            I’m back…took an unexpected haitus…I’ve been preparing for a re-branding of my business–which includes this blog to better reflect the work that I love…
educating about healthy relationships and coaching those ready to do the work of building and nourishing a great relationship!

            So, when it’s all said and done, I’ll make sure to blog about the details so you can check it all out!

            On a different note, I’m so delighted to with the arrival of the Advent season! This is my favorite time of the year, it truly is. There is a recurring problem I seem to have each year…finding purple candles. Everything in the marketplace is red, white, and green–Christmas colors. It’s as if there is no Advent season at all.

            Somehow Advent is getting lost in the commercial side of the holiday season and if we’re not careful we will too. Most of life’s most precious events require some preparation. Advent is such an important time in a family because it allows us to prepare for Christmas–in our heart, our mind, our soul…. In our family this preparation helps us to unpack more than decorations for the tree and the house–it really helps us reflect on reasons for celebrating Christmas–our reason being the commemoration and celebration of the birth of Christ the Lord–the one we know as Emmanuel, or more simply–our God who is truly with us in the day-to-day realities of our life.

           Well that’s really all I wanted to say. I wish you renewed hope, love, and unmatched peace during this beautiful Advent season….

Here’s Something from a Young Guest

Over the next couple of days I will be informally interviewing a young guest on the future of marriage and young girls today. Here’s the first run.

MM: Welcome to Marriage Material Lael

Guest: Hi

MM: As you know I talk about marriage and family relating on this blog. I’m very interested in your thoughts about young women and the future of marriage. Do you think young girls have positive expectations for marrying someday?

Guest: Yes, I think they do. Most girls dream about some day marrying the man of their dreams, someone who is handsome and successful, that they’re compatible with and can can have fun with. We often talk about it with each other too.

MM: What do you think about negative comments expressed in movies, commercials, or music about marriage?

Guest: The most popular negative comments I’ve heard are that most couples don’t stay together very long. I often see in movies parents fighting, or single people dating who are divorced, and also people saying that they want to move in together instead of getting married. Music, I don’t really think they talk about marriage so much. More about love, dating, or someone’s heart being broken. Speaking of hearts being broken, sometimes in music actually you do hear that a woman doesn’t need a man, or most of the time he won’t be there and stuff about guys walking out on their girlfriends or leaving and stuff like that.

MM: You’re right and these messages are fairly similar despite the medium. Do you think most girls agree with these messages?

Guest: I don’t believe that most girls do. Most have enough sense to realize that all that music and media tells us isn’t reality. Some girls however do believe that what music and everything says is true. They actually believe that every guy will break their heart or that they’ll leave them and that they won’t be able to stay together, or that the guy will cheat on them. Because, if you hear half the music out there, they are always saying things like ‘You went behind my back and called my friend’ and ‘but you left her number on your phone’, all that junk. But like I said, i do think that most girls have their heads on straight and don’t look to music and media for advice on relationships and what will happen if you do this or that. Most girls, including me, know that we may not need a man to do everything, i mean sure we’re capable on our own for some things, but we’re not so in your face about it. Most of us know things like that, you know?

MM: I think hearing you on this subject like this is good news for us parents…most of us hope that our daughters are learning to think clearly for themselves…we hope our girls are becoming smart and selective consumers of entertainment. Your thoughts here are appreciated! Let’s wrap it up here for today. Thanks for being willing to share your thoughts with us. I look forward to picking this up again with you tomorrow!

Guest:No problem.

Well, check back here tomorrow to hear more from my young guest on the future of marriage and young women today. All the best!

Re-affirming Love

The anniversary. It’s so important when it comes to re-affirming love in marriage. Anniversaries are celebrations of milestones in marriage. I’ve got an anniversary coming up soon myself. I’ve been thinking a lot about it lately too. I want to make it a very memorable time with my husband. I want to capture and share the things we’ve experienced in years gone by…our struggles and triumphs…our joys and aspirations…I want to look at how much we’ve grown as a couple and as individuals.

I want to remember how my husband’s actions, words, and encouragement has helped me become more and do more to enrich my life and our life together…. Yep, I want to look back and remember and celebrate it all. I want to re-affirm my love, respect, and appreciation of my beloved and the life we have built together. Got an anniversary coming up? Make it a priority to re-affirm your love! Nothing’s more important.

Childish Choices

I received a letter from Healing the Culture (a monthly update to supporters) which included a personal statement from their communication director. In it she spoke about how her son and his new wife, both college students, discovered they had conceived and were going to become parents. Well, being college students I don’t need to tell you how unexpected and unplanned this event was for them.

She went on to discuss how they were pressured almost daily by well-intentioned friends to abort their child in order to continue their college career uninterrupted. She spoke about their brave and responsible decision to welcome their child safely into this world and into their lives–despite the fact that they are young, not yet employed, and may have to extend their studies out a couple of years more (at least the wife may have to should she decide to continue working toward her degree).

In this day and age that kind of decision-making is courageous. It’s ashame such a decision has to be “courageous” rather than the “right response to love”. Love involves responsibility and generosity, the flip side of freedom and rights. For every right there is an obligation. Freedom is never a license to live without restraint and responsibility. This is something I’ve been teaching my kids since they were very young–as young as six-years-old!

Today, too many couples lack a good understanding of the rights, freedoms, and obligations of love and marriage and their relationships lack the depth and richness because of it.  There is no room for childish choices in love and marriage.

To learn more about these important ideas and how they can transform your love, relationships, and life visit Healing the Culture now.

Oops!

If you’ve already read the latest post it’s likely you found a few statistical errors–I’ve made the necessary corrections, so give it a second read if you wish. Thanks! 

Are you part of the marriage renaissance?

Something wonderful and important started back in 2000 which is responsible for spear-heading and articulating a movement that has taken roots across the country. In many academic, civic, social, religious, political and other circles it is known simply as the Marriage Movement. Guided by a vision for Americans to realize their dream of a strong, lasting marriage and for American children to grow up with biological parents capable of lasting love and commitment to one another and their children–this movement is contributing to a renaissance in marriage.

For those of us frustrated by our limited ability to comfort the men, women, and children suffering as a result of failed cohabiting arrangements, separation and divorce, unmarried childbearing, and the related struggles that accompany these life-rending experiences–rediscovering the unique role of marriage and its benefits for each of us and our society is a crucial step toward rebuilding a healthier marriage culture for the generations to come.

If you don’t know much about it just log on to www.marriagemovement.org where you can read all about it. You can also access the latest report on the movement titled What Next for the Marriage Movement? –an excellent document, not too long, which identifies how each of us can contribute to a national initiative or goal of strengthening marriages. 
 

I consider participating in this national movement as one of the most important things I can do for the coming generation. I hope you will too. After all, your children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, neighbors’ children, and other children and youth that comprise your circle are that coming generation!  

We unite around a vision of America where more children are raised in nurturing homes by their married mother and father, and where more adults enjoy mutually fulfilling and lifelong marriages.  –The Marriage Movement Statement published by the Institute for American Values

Got a minute? Scoot on over to 5 Minutes for Mom to read a short interview they generously granted me. Hey, while you’re there check out what other mompreneurs are up to. It’s a wonderful site. In fact, they just ran a really great blog party making it possible for many of us to meet and mingle over work and family related things! Thanks Susan and Janice! Your ingenuity and foresight is greatly appreciated!

Welcome!

  Are you marriage material? I was engaged twice back in college. First to a seminarian, and again to a seminarian. Each time I asked myself that question I couldn’t say yes. And so, the right thing to do was to end the relationship. I knew I wasn’t “marriage-able” for many reasons. Still, I wanted to commit myself exclusively and, yes, permanently to one man with whom I could build and sustain a healthy relationship over the course of a lifetime. Despite my desire I wasn’t capable of building–let alone sustaining– a healthy, strong relationship. I had too many unresolved issues within myself. I couldn’t allow myself to bring all that unfinished business into my marriage. I wanted to give my future spouse and children the very best me that I could.

To make a long story short, I committed myself to becoming the kind of person I wanted to marry and the kind of person I wanted my children to come from. And, by the plentiful graces of the Almighty, I became marriage material and have been successfully married now for 15 years! Success in marriage involves much sacrifice, forgiveness, humility, and caring, all of which constitutes nothing less than love. To convey love when the going gets tough requires skill. Successful marriage is built and sustained by both caring and skill. I launched this blog for three reasons: (1) to say that marriage is still an important institution and social relationship that fosters the common good; (2) and, anyone who cares enough to take the time necessary to adequately prepare for marriage will also reap the benefits of building and sustaining a healthy, strong marriage; (3) to help anyone wanting to marry develop the confidence to do so, and those already married thrive in marriage!

What qualifies me to offer the above? I’m married to a man with a great mind and heart. We are raising 4 children together (two are with our Lord), and as a marriage and family therapist and healthy relationship educator with over 16 years in the behavioral health field–I’ve enjoyed helping individuals, couples, youth and families rebuild their relationships! See the About Me section for more. I welcome your thoughts, aspirations, or stories of becoming marrigeable.

In the words of Madeline Bridges, There are loyal hearts, there are spirits brave, there are souls that are pure and true;  Then give the world the best you have, and the best will come back to you. Here’s to being and giving your best!