Why Are Young Women Despairing?

Can you imagine a group with the most to look forward to dispairing? Young women in their twenties are said to be despairing over their future marital prospects. There are reasons for their despair, according to researchers trying to understand the cultural environment young women are dealing with today.

One poignant factor is the prevalent divorce culture. Think about it. Everywhere we look relationships are portrayed as short-lived, dissatisfying encounters that do not necessarily include commitment of any significance. Name a televsion show or blockbuster movie that features a happily married couple living successfully with their own biological children. Consider the music that floods the airways and the clubs young women are likely to frequent. Any songs about lasting, satisfying committed love? Need I mention the college scene….

So, where do young women acquire the confidence needed to prepare themselves for success in marriage? Where are their role models and mentors? Most of all where is the cultural support for strong, loving marriages? Heard any positive media clips heralding the tremendous benefits of marriage lately? …neither have I…and chances are young adult women aren’t getting positive messages either, hence their despair. Young adult women deserve better!

“…woman is one of the grand instruments of which Providence makes use to prepare the way for civilization…should she prove false to her high mission, society would perish.”  quote from The Privilege of Being a Woman by Alice von Hildebrand

The Oil and Water Problem of Self-Gratification

I had to run out to my local supermarket to pick up some milk for my daugher. As I left the store, having made my purchase, I noticed two young adult women and a young male walking together and heading into the store. Both young ladies wore jeans so tight that they appeared painted on, and the tops they wore were equally immodest (thin and revealing).

I thought to myself, why would any woman want to spend the day, an evening, or an hour in pants so tight that breathing becomes a chore? I know the look and feel of “skin tight” and it’s no comfort zone. Following the birth of each of my children, I’ve always kept my pre-pregnancy clothing with the goal of returning to my pre-pregnancy size, although the recent birth of my 10 month old has proven to be quite the challenge.

Thrifty, yes–and a needed challenge to lose the baby weight for the sake of my health. Every few weeks I would attempt to get back into my pants and tops. If I hadn’t slimmed down enough I’d never get the slacks past my hips. Then there were times when they wouldn’t zip up. And, finally when I could actually zip and button up–they were tight. And, I mean breathless tight!

I’m not one to wear tight pants because I find them uncomfortable and unsightly. But, why would any woman endure such discomfort? I realize she may think it’s attractive, but the discomfort of suffocating tight pants? I can only conclude that it accomplishes two things for her. One, she believes it’s attractive. Two, she gains male attention. Nothing wrong with a desire to be attractive or to have the attention of a man. Unfortunately, this type of behavior will only garnish the wrong kind of attention, and very likely, the wrong kind of male.

Still, some women find this acceptable. After all, they may think and believe, provocative attire gives them the attention they desire, need and want from men. It’s gratifying for them. Getting what we want when we want as often as we want it is a lifestyle centered around self-gratification. Ours is a culture that encourages this. However, this kind of behavior makes it difficult if not impossible to obtain the American dream of a lasting and loving marriage (despite the divorce rate and culture we have experienced, most Americans desire to marry one day). Habitual self-gratification in marriage is like trying to mix oil and water–it’s simply incompatiable and makes for poor marriage quality. After all marriage is not about me. It’s about we.